Sunday, August 29, 2004
shanghai-ed.
woah.
time flies mann.
its like what ?
week 10 of term 3 alr !
arghs.
hahaa.
ohwells.
last week was.hectic.chaotic.crazie.and terribly terribly whacked.
its like every nite practically sleeping at 2 in the morning can ?
then wake up at 5.go to school like a zombie like that.i tell you i was practically nodding at every single teacher.im surprised none of them like asked me to go wash my face or sth like that.
then friday was like nightmare day for me.ah wells.its all part of God's plans for me.i shall accept it all in my stride.
just that i reallie do have to be more disciplined about QT.
its quite sadd.
as in the state of my discipline now.
yupps.
cheryl !! where are you ??
hahaa.
oh mans.
i'll miss discipleship cos of the shanghai trip.and tee liang sheng still laugh.
so evil.
bleahs.
i will miss them all.
anywae diary.
you're not that evil larh.
thanks for your badge !!
you're a dearie.
hees.
sigh sigh sigh.
feel so lethargic.
don't feel like doing anymore stuff.
i think i'll do elit tmr in school.
hahaa.
ok.
tataa pple !
-- rachh
*p/s anyone want anything frm shanghai ?
; rachh
10:35 PM
Friday, August 20, 2004
hold on.
to you--*
heyy.
hold on.don't let go kae.
i still need you.
no matter what.remember i'll alwaes be behind you.
100%
please.
there's still so much i gotta tell you.
so much we gotta do.
hold on.
i still haven't told you that..
i love you.
sigh.
God i need you.
reveal yourself to me.
carry me
You lead me into your courts
surrounded me with Your love
i walk with You
i do not fear
in this place
dreams are made
in this place
where You are
carry me here
in Your arms of love
draw me close to You
i want to be where You are
i want to be where You are
You carry me, You are my strength
i've learnt to trust in You
and once again
i'm reaching out
im reaching out.
but somehow i seems to be grabbing at air.
pple pls pray for me.
thanks !
--rachel
; rachh
8:12 PM
Thursday, August 19, 2004
lardeedarhs.
hahas.
dunno what im here for.
ohhyarh.
its cos im BORED.
wahahaa.
yeahh.
diary was like.if you're so bored.thn go online and blog larhs.so here i am.blogging.hahaa.im so guai.
-bell sounds n halo lights up-
hees.
hms.
diary !! rmb to brng yr money.same goes for all the other discipleship pple.dunno why im the treasurer.bleahs.i'll probably end up spending all the money lohhs ! either that or i'll lose it all.
icks.
i better not.
lardeedarhs.
im bored bored bored.
hms.
i shld play some music.
hahaa.
its now blasting.
.numb//linkin park.
i'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow
just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is
another mistake to you
i've
become so numb
i can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you
can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
'cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you
[caught in the undertow
just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is
another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow
just caught in the undertow]
every second i waste is more than i can take
but i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you
sigh.
do you reallie love me ?
you weren't there when i needed you most.
; rachh
5:40 PM
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
over the rainbow.
heyy !
apologies.
i was mood swinging ytd.
hms.
got back the survey forms frm some classes alr.the feedback was good.except abt our station.sth abt attitude problem ?
whatever mann.
grrs.
i mean they didn't have to insult us like tht even if they didn't like us.
ohwells.
thanks to everyone.
esp da jie, jon and jk.
you guys reallie reallie helped alot.
anw.
gotta run.
mumie's in a bad mood.
she's scolding everyone and apparently i've exceeded my 5 minutes.
i dun even noe where tht time limit came frm.
dotts.
buh byes !!
; rachh
5:51 PM
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
bloops.
hms.
just realised tht you can actually read tht fine print.
good grief.
ohwells.
all you nice pple.DON'T.just don't.you'll only feel depressed.
anywae.i managed to forget myself in my load of work.just worked and worked.hahaa.so not me.okok.
think i shld run now.
buh byes !!
-thanks da jie !
; rachh
10:36 PM
out.
grrs.
i can't let go.
what's wrong with me.what's wrong.what's wrong.what's wrong.everything's just falling apart.it hurts.feels like a freaking knife tht pierces.pierces so deep.i wanna scream.but the sound just gets stuck there.choking me.it refuses to go away.it just stays there.irritating me.the tears have flowed.flowed unceasingly.there aren't any left.i feel empty.devoid of all feeling.just a lasting numbness.that stubbornly refuses to go.i can feel it.the warmth is being stolen away.its replaced with a tiny lil layer of frost.so sublime.you can hardly believe its there.you think its your imagination.but no its there.as sure as the sun is shining in the sky rite now.subtlely it spreads.and takes away the fire.shivers run up my spine.that look.its mind numbing.i can't think.i don't wanna think.i shouldn't think.but i am thinking.what's wrong now ? how can this be happening ? i noe its my wrong.but everyone makes mistakes.i didn't want this to happen either.but it just did.i didn't do it on purpose.reallie i didn't.but you just gotta take my word for it.every word you say.strikes me.it hits me hard.like a punch in the stomach.there's a fist around my heart.clenching tighter and tighter with your every word.your every action.leave me alone.please.i beg you.please stop it.you're cutting me up.and leaving me out for the prey to take.desperation is knocking at the door.there's no one tho.not a soul.why ? oh why me ? i can't handle this.its just too much.im crumbling under this facade.there's not much i can do.im fighting a lost battle.the pressure's mounting by the second.im drowning in a sea of sorrows.both mine and others'.the thoughts are strangling me.deceit is staring me in the eye.where? oh where is the exit ? just let me run away from it all.let me get away from this mess.but there is no door.no opening.not even a window through which a glimmer of hope can pass through.someone.anyone.help me?
please don't read the above.
im just letting out everything.trying to let go.
; rachh
5:00 PM
back frm the dead
bleahs.
life's been.tasteless.bland.
nth much happening.and wht's happening is just freaky.
everything's just whirring and-
whoosh-it seems like suddenly its over before it even starts.
i dun noe i dun noe i dun noe !!
and i dun care.
STOP !!
get outta my system.
outta my life.
why does it have to hurt.
so much ?
so bad ?
this is not happening to me.
but it is.
sadly.
unfortunately.
; rachh
4:47 PM
Friday, August 13, 2004
greek.
learning greek with my dad.
hahaa.
he can't even speak chinese properly.
i shudder to think what will happen when he learns greek.
if he is even able to do it.
hees.
okok.
shan't be so evilll.hahaa.jia you dadie !!
greek alphabet:
. alpha . beta . gamma . delta . epsilon . zeta . eta . theta . iota . kappa . lambda . mu . nu . xi . omicron . pi . rho . sigma . tau . upsilon . phi . chi . psi . omega .
hahaa.
so funnnn.
whee !!
buh byes !
; rachh
8:28 PM
Thursday, August 12, 2004
heritage trail !!
hms.
it was heritage trail todayy.
ohh boy.
it was real
funnn and
exciting.but also reallie
tiring.
let's see.
the first
shocker of the day was like when we called mr mohan's sis who was supposed to help us tie the sari.and she went: huh ? its today ? im so sorie.i can't make it.i'll be working til seven tonite.
so exclamation mark x2 !!
i think i nearly died on the spot.
luckily.mohan found us another of his sisters to help.but it was like darn last minute.abit not freaky only larh.
also got excused by ms heng frm the single period of lit.
wasn't much use cos mrs yeo let us out like 10 minutes late !!
arghs.so irritating.then we rushed off to his sister's place in khatib.hahaa.so near to little india lehhs.
anywae.it was a nerve wrecking trip there cos felicia kept calling me and
freaking me out.bleahs.she was like worrying over the points thingie.
ohwells.
reached the house.we each took like 15-20 minutes just putting on the sari and makeup.it was
rush rush rush.halfway through mohan got called back to school.hahaa.so we were planning to take taxi down to the mrt station when he called to say he would rush back to fetch us to the mrt stn.
hms.
thought we wouldn't be late.but by the time mohan arrived.it was like 2.23 alr !!
freak out BIG time.
we're like what ? supposed to be there by 2 ?? so oh my goodness can.
i freaked out even more when jaime called barely halfway through the journey there to say tht they're all setting off.
it was like:
die.
then i freaked freaked freaked when claire called to ask where we were.she was there alr !!
blasted.we were like 5 minutes late larh.and there was a teacher with claire ??
sheesh.
we finally reached little india mrt stn.and rushed down in our saris.
good grief.
it was all i could do not to trip over my super long sari and go
tumbling down the stairs.
anywae.our station went along quite well.was quite smooth flowing.the station manager was quite nice.
he was like sorta worried the girls wouldn't feel comfortable putting the saris on in public (outside the toilet) and offered us this room.
hahaa.
then suddenly.
i found out joyce koh lost her clue to the L1 station.
bloops.
since we had two.i brought one to her.
but she was in CHINATOWN !! so near lehhs.then i abit not in my sari larh.
sigh.
but duty is duty.so i went down to chinatown in my sari.i felt like a zoo animal or a circus clown.everyone just stared and stared.
and stared somemore.
grrs.
then as i was taking the escalator in chinatown mrt.this guy who was going down on the escalator next to mine said something like this is chinatown lehh not little india.
*glares.
whatever mann !!
walking the streets of chinatown to newbridge centre was not that great either.pple along the streets stared.pple behind the wheels honked.and pple in shops just followed you with their eyes.
some person even pointed and was like wah !! she
acting show arh ?
and it was like very
loud larh !!
sighs.
after i reached little india mrt station again.there was one or two more groups before we ran into a dry patch.as in totally no more groups came.we waited for like half an hour without anyone approaching us.
only the patrolling teachers came.hahaa.it was like ms.lim,ms.fazi,mr.geraint wong and clement tan came.found out that clement tan is actually quite nice.hahaa.
nette and ting ting
pang sei-ed me.they left me with donny lee.bleahs.but i guess he's quite okayy.just a little too inquisitive for my liking.
yupps.
we finally ended by clearing the saris and helping nette change out of her sari so that she could go for violin lessons.then another grp came along.but they helped to fold the sari after using it.so it wasn't that bad.
finally finally finally.at ard 6.15 we were released.joycee and i went down with silvia and nette who were taking the opp side to dhoby ghaut.they left first.then we realised that silvia had joycee's school shoes !!
hahahahas.
so they had to get off and come back and we missed one mrt to wait for them.
then when the mrt came silvia was like in the middle carraige and we were waiting like at the back.so joycee and silvia like did this like lover's dance sorta thingie.running together arms outstretched.then when they finally meet.joycee grabbed the bag with the shoes and ducked into the nearest carraige.
it was so
funny !!
and cos i couldn't reallie run in my heels i was like one door away frm joycee.hahaa.we were laughing at each other over this grp of pple's heads larh.
went to heartland mall to take neos.missed nette so much.
sigh.
sad sad.but the pics turned out quite well.hees.
walked the first part home with joycee.it was like her skirt kept riding up at the back.had to continuously adjust it for her.think it was her bag or smthg.
dunno.
reached home and had a little trouble with my saree.
ohwells.
it's
OVER !!!!!
yays.but at the same time feel a bit of nonstalgia.
ohwells.
nothing lasts forever.
yupps.
that's about it.
had a few shocks today.
in addition to what i just said.
-chuwen couldn't find xinhui at first and we both thought xinhui wasn't there !!
-couldn't find grp 12 !!
-joyce koh had the grouping list and we couldn't contact her.
-tessa got lost a few times and called for help !!
hahaa.
ohwells.
all's well that end's well.
had a
rocking funnn time.
- grinn.
buh byes !!
`rachhie.
; rachh
9:25 PM
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
hms.
woahh.
stop stop STOP !!!
its been what ? less than a week.and there's so many things going on here.
puh lease.
what's up with the impersonation ??
i mean that's dumb.
in fact i didn't even noe anything about it.and would have remained happily oblivious to it for another few days.if not for a kind anonymous soul who sent me a message telling me to come see.
err.thanks.
whoever you are. diary.
even if you are the impersonator.
message for YOU
angeldajie--*
thanks jie.
miss you loadds.
and i like saw you less than three days ago ??
hahaa.
jonathan--*
heyy you.
thanks so much !!
hahaa.
sorie if i scared you or anything that day.
reallie appreciate that entry.
takkaire.
diary--*
hello !! hahaas.
i told you i would write you a msg.
hms.thanks for giving me the warning.
reallie sorie i suspected you.
bleahs.
thanks for being there.
i lurve my diary to bits !!
to everyone else out there:
heyy !!!!!!!!!!!! hahaa.
rachel's going crazy again..
okok.
buh byes !!
-rachel
; rachh
4:30 PM
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
to that insecure anonymous being
hello.
i just have a few things to say to you. i hope you take the time to read it, since you have the time to make unwanted comments anyway.
Firstly, nobody takes your comments seriously. in fact if you think that what you have said of late has any effect on rachel, might i suggest that you think again? what are you trying to prove here? that rachel is loved and you're jealous of that? if it is, i think you're wasting your time. my suggestion is that you get a life, and start doing something constructive with it. you know, life is something precious given by God. i can't believe anyone would waste it like this.
i don't know who you are, but the owners of this blog and i are Christians. this means that we are followers of Christ and that we follow in His character. we do not make evil comments nor do we step on innocent people. you know while typing this, i asked myself, WWJD, which stands for, "What Would Jesus Do", and i thought, well, Jesus wouldn't reply to your tagboard message with foul language like you used, or even repay your evil. we choose to turn the other cheek, and ignore your lies and unedifying words, and live in the fact that we are LOVED. i want to ask you, whoever you are, do you love, and are you loved?
i have nothing more to say to you. stop being a terrorist and leave us peaceloving people alone.
JONATHAN NG
One final word to you.
Psalm 64
"They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their words like deadly arrows, they shoot from ambush at the innocent man; they shoot at him suddenly without fear...But GOD will shoot them with arrows; suddenly they will be struck down. He will turn their own tongues against them and bring them to ruin..."
One last word to you: REPENT, before it's too late.
; ange
10:29 PM
back.
perhaps.to whoever that person is.thanks for visiting.but pls note that this blog aint only belonging to rachel.but also me.so if you would like to.please hurl your insults somewhere else.say..straight at rachel's face??.i think she would very much appreciate that more than this person sneaking around and throw a lil insult and mockery and ridicule here and there.
btw thanks.cos if you meant for it that it seems like its me doing all these.it already succeeded.*nods. thanks.
other than that.anonymousity is insulting yourself.cmon.show some courage here.and set your speaker's corner somewhere else.visible to all of us yeaa??.love ya.
-nuT.
; ange
10:12 PM
Thursday, August 05, 2004
how does it feel ?
How Does It Feel
I'm not afraid of anything
I just need to know that I can breath
I don't need much of anything
But suddenly, suddenly
I am small and the world is big
All around me is fast moving
Surrounded by so many things
But suddenly, suddenly
How does it feel,
to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel,
to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel?
I'm young, and I am free
But I get tired, and I get weak
I get lost, and I can't sleep
But suddenly, suddenly
How does it feel,
to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel,
to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel?
Would you comfort my head
Would you cry with me;
Ahh, ahh, ahh-ah; ahh, ahh-ah; ahh, ahh-ah; ahh, ahh-ah; Ahh, ahh, ahh-ah; ahh, ahh-ah; ahh, ahh-ah; ahh, ahh-ah
I am small and the world is big
But I'm not afraid of anything;
How does it feel,
to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel,
to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel,
to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel,
to be different from me?
Are we the same?
How does it feel
How does it feel
Different from me, different...
How does it feel
How does it feel
Different from me, different...
How does it feel
How does it feel
Different from me, different...
How does it feel
How does it feel
Different from me
(ahh, ahh, ahh-ah; ahh-ah, ahh-ah, ahh, ahh, ahh-ah; ahh-ah, ahh-ah)
-- rachel
feeling sian.
grrs.
im never gonna finish this cd review !!
arghs !!
don't even noe how to go about it larhs.
best.
; rachh
6:39 PM
eeeks.
heyy !!
hahaa.its been like a long
long time since i last blogged or sth.
hahaa.
okaee.so its not that bad.but it seems like so many thing have happened.
let's see.
wednesday's test was like a
breeze.it was so so so easy.
hahaa.
thanks to all those pple who were praying for me.i reallie appreciate it !!
yupps.
it was like somehow i knew how to answer all the questions.if im lucky i'll get
100% correct for the first few sections.the last one maybe minus a few marks here and there.but all in all.quite good larh.
hees.
today.
-digs hole and hides-
arghs !!
so embarassing.
i think the school didn't want us to waste precious studying time or sth.so we ended up combining racial harmony day and national day celebrations.
and it was compulsory i repeat
COMPULSORY for all sec threes to wear ethnic costumes.
eeks larhs.
but its not like everyone turned up in ethnic costume.
i was stuck with my sari can ?
bleahs.
try walking arnd your school in a sari that bares your midriff and is like super revealing !! thn you'll noe what i mean.
grrs.
my sec twos were like.wahh !! so sexy.
dotts lohhs.
yeahh.
and to add on to my embarassment.our racial harmony skit was like totally whacked.we only practiced once so throughout the whole entire thing.it was super like uncoordinated.lots of long gaps in between scenes and stuff.
but jeanne was farnie !! hees.she was acting as this malay trishaw rider and went out on stage in her cardboard 'trishaw'.thn she started singing/whistling dayong sampan.afterwhich she spoke in malay.
something something
pengsan.
ahahaa.
damn farnie larhs.
JEANNE you rockk !!
hahaa.
yeahh.that's what has been happening.i think my whole class is going a lil haywire.we're collecting tests like nobody's business larhs.
stress.it's so stupid.
hurhur.
oh yeahh.
no school on second sept !! yays.hahaa.so that week like chao shuang.wednesday teachers day no school.tuesday school declared holiday.friday its off to shanghai !! yays.i can't wait.
hms.
i think that's all ?
later people !!
-- rachel
; rachh
4:59 PM
Sunday, August 01, 2004
to my diary--*
heyy diary.
forgot abt you just now.
must be honored kae.got one entry dedicated to you.
hahaa.
still amazed that you were actually in choir.its like-eyes bulge out-so amazing larh.hahaa.still say you breezed through the auditions.
thick skin lehh you.
anywae.rest assured that i will rmb to ask you even after your Os.so..
BEWARE.
hahaa.
yupps.
ohh.
and you should learn to be less kaypoh.one day its gonna get you into trouble.
and dun make so many assumptions.its not good.not healthy at all.
okok.
so im like that too.
but its learnt frm you one !!
HONEST.
hahaa.
anywae.
you takkaire.
i lurve my diary.
hees.
buh byes.
; rachh
10:28 PM
feeling pathetic. useless.
hms.
long time never blog liao.
erms.erms.erms.
like nth to write about lehhs.
oh yeahh.
grrs.
im hating and hating and just hating ms.choo now lahh.
grrs.
shan't think of it any more.the more i think.the more i feel like crying larhh.its like so sadd.
urghs.
-shakes head-
dunno why but me was feeling rather pathetic and useless this whole entire week.for some obscene reason.
okae.so its not obscene.but its crazie.there's no reason even.its like stupid.
urghs !!
everything's piling up on me.
its like.
-uniform campaign.
zoeraine just called.she said smthg like presenting skit tmr ?? oh my oh my.died-ed.
-heritage trail !!
tmr's the briefing for the sec 3s ? and i dunno what im gna say ?? this is like seriously screwed larhh.praying desperately tt weng chi has smthg.
-musical
today's rehearsal was nutters.i dunno larhh.everything just seems to be falling apart.auntie connie is pissed at me again.i dunno why.this is just so crazie.i made a few mistakes.two only actually.and she just glared and glared.
sighs.
-hwk.
there's like tons and tons.and with my bad time management.i think im just gonna die.
there's probably more.just that i can't think of it just now.
tmr's pe again.hope we start softball.hahaa.so funnn !! can't wait to start swinging the bat again.
wheeee !!!!
okok.
i better go..
buh byes pple !!
sayonara.
`rachhie rocked your world
at 2222 hrs
; rachh
10:22 PM